Why is "self-love" crucial for personal growth?

“Shame is the enemy of progress” -KC Davis. I know this to be true from my own lived experience. As an ADHDer who once felt I needed to be fixed, one of the most important foundational factors for self-improvement was building self-love. Skill growth requires awareness and self-reflection for meaningful change. But when you are drowning in shame, it can feel nearly impossible to learn from experiences.

Instead of collecting meaningful insight for growth, after a negative experience shame can cause you to ruminate, “beat yourself up,” reinforce negative harmful personal narratives (“I’m lazy & rude - I never do anything right”), and then repeat behaviors that exacerbate the cycle. Rejection sensitive dysphoria is far too common amongst ADHDers and those who experience EF differences. Its impact can be debilitating.

By working on self-love as we learn what it means to be neurodivergent, we can de-stigmatize and reframe our “shortcomings” as “differences,” appreciate and learn to capitalize on the positives of our differences (e.g., with reduced inhibitory control comes heightened imagination and creativity), unmask, and pave our own life-paths in alignment with our true-selves. As self-love grows, we learn to remove judgment and replace it with self-compassion. Skill development becomes continuous and limitless when we form a habit of unbiased self-awareness- when we are able to self-reflect, identify what worked and what didn’t work, and replicate or adjust our behaviors to achieve desired outcomes. This builds resiliency - we learn we can trust ourselves, we become empowered, we feel in control of our lives and ready to rise to the occasion.